Saturday, July 9, 2016


I can just imagine what sort of silly clickbait articles would be popping up in the early years of Sex Magic. Something like this came to mind...

7 Ways You’re Thinking About Sex Magic Wrong!

#1 – His semen is the key to his sanity… breaking it, that is!
Guys need to cum. No, you don’t understand, they need to cum. It’s the way they were designed. It’s why they think about sex all the time. Their bodies keep producing that thick, white goo and they have to get rid of, like a cow needs to get rid of its milk. If a guy doesn’t release his semen, he will go crazy. Fortunately, the crazier he gets, the more subservient he gets when he realizes that you are the only one who can release his seed for him!

Ladies, you absolutely must learn the Orgasm Block spell. If you only ever learn one spell in your life, it should be this one. It’s one of the easiest to learn and simplest to use. Just practice on a guy a few times, and you’ll be placing them like a pro! And when a man in your life is completely powerless to release the crazy juice boiling in his balls, he will treat you like an absolute Goddess if you so much as hint that you might, maybe, some day think about helping him ejaculate.

You should let him, once in a while, for very good behavior. But never too much. You can always find little excuses here and there to extend his release times, if you feel he’s getting spoiled.

#2 – His penis can only get so hard, but there’s no limit to his tension!
On an erection intensity scale of 1 to 10, his penis tops out at 3, maybe 4 is he’s really huge. Unless you use the magic to warp his body, the penis literally cannot get any stiffer, cannot get any fuller with blood. If it did, it would probably burst like an overfilled tire! Thankfully, Sex Magic will never let that happen.

Even more thankfully? Magic doesn’t care if his cock can’t get any harder. It’ll make him feel harder, feel all the more tense, until his whole body is shivering and his penis is literally vibrating to shake off some of the tension. Even if his cock can only reach a 3 in tension, his libido can go all the way to 10, and beyond! Dial up to 11? Fuck, that’s just foreplay. Dial that fucker up to 100!

Remember that the more tense he is, the more amazing the desperate lust energy he gives off feels. Keep going until his brain fries and there’s so much energy flying off him that you can’t even stand near him without cumming your brains out! Don’t worry about overdoing it, the Magic will recover him, so don’t hold back!

#3 – It’s not cheating as long as he doesn’t cum!
Most guys fantasize about being lord of their personal harem, with several girls clamoring for his cock. In reality, a lot of guys are loyal, and really only want that one special woman. And in a world of Sex Mages, it’s very easy for all the good guys to get snatched up by the competition! What’s a horny girl to do when her best friend already has that really cute boy she likes on a leash?

Fuck with him anyway! In a world of Sex Magic, all the old rules are off! Women share and swap and pull pranks all the time. Sex is so open, it’s pretty much impossible not to screw around with multiple people. But there should still be some standards. And these days, a man shows his loyalty to a woman by making sure she’s the only one he cums for. As long as you remember this, then there’s no problem! Play with the poor bastard all you like! Just don’t let him pop, and your girlfriends will understand. Just don’t be surprised when they return the favor on your own boy toy! ; )

#4 – His penis is your friend, and his enemy!
It may be attached to him, but trust us, his penis is on your side. It wants you to play with it, all the time, forever. It wants to please you any way you wish. It will always side with you and betray him. Take advantage of this, and remind him of it, every time he tries to act tough. The penis practically has a mind of its own, and this is one of the most frustrating and potentially humiliating things about being a guy. Any time you’re seducing a man or arguing with him, the fight will always be two against one, you and his penis versus his rational mind. Even without your Magic, the deck is already stacked in your favor. The Magic just makes it that much more overwhelming for him!

Any time you’re arguing or debating or even just can’t agree on something trivial, use your Magic to coax his penis for a little backup! It will always be eager to lend an assist!

#5 – You can never, ever get caught if you don’t want to!
Sex Magic is naturally a completely anonymous power! Unless you make a point to tell him, a guy has no real way of knowing what woman is playing with him. Better yet, with the exception of extremely rare Special Abilities, other women can’t sense where each other’s spells are coming from. This means you can do anything you want to a guy completely without repercussions, so long as you don’t reveal it’s you.

Want to tease your neighbor into insanity, but you’re afraid of what his wife will do if she finds out? Do it without fear! Play with that cock until he’s crying for mercy, all from the comfort of your own home, or office, or wherever! Hell, make him cum if you want. Let his wife fume over it. As long as you don’t admit it, even if they happen to suspect you, they’ve got no proof. Go hog wild!

Heck, some wives and girlfriends and mistresses even have fun with their boys by playing with them all day long, yet feigning innocence, scolding him for suspecting her. It drives men almost as crazy as the spells themselves!

#6 – Punish him for everything!
Never, ever, ever give him a break. Keep his head spinning. Punish him if he breaks a rule, even if you’re the one who makes him break it! Punish him for rules you just made up on the spot. Heck, punish him for being so good you don’t have anything to punish him for!

Make your rules up to interpretation. Never tell him things plainly. His head is already foggy with lust, keep him confused so he’s bound to screw something up (as long as it’s something that isn’t too much of a bother for you, of course).

Or, hell, just punish him because you feel like being mean, don’t even tell him why, then laugh as he struggles to figure it out. The only time you should ever show mercy is when you’re building anticipation for the next punishment!

#7 – He can never win. Ever. No, seriously, not ever!
You are a Goddess. Literally. You control supernatural powers. He is just a man. Men are ruled by their cocks. And your power gives you absolute control over those cocks. The only chance he will ever have is your own sense of fair play and mercy. Don’t have one? Well, that’s just tough… for him! For you? All the fun in the world!

Sunday, July 3, 2016

FapReport Tech Support Transcript

TS: FapReport Tech Support, how can I help you?
Cust: Take down my profile!
TS: Sir, this line is for women only. If you want help with our male department, you--
Cust: That option just puts me on hold forever! I was on there for three hours!
TS: *giggle* Wow, most guys get the joke within two hours!
Cust: You think this is funny?! Your website is a huge violation of privacy!
TS: Well, sir, we at FapReport don't really think so. See, now that all women have Sex Magic, your sexual thoughts and memories are a complete open book to any woman who wants to take a peek in your pervy little mind. If you want to blame anyone, blame yourself for being born with a dick and balls.
Cust: You can't just abuse your powers like this!
TS: The power begs to differ, Henry Stevenson.
Cust: Wh-what? I didn't tell you my name yet? Are you using your powers?!
TS: No, just the Caller ID function on my computer. But thank you for confirming. Now, let's see this profile of yours...
Cust: No, don't look at it!
TS: Oh, goodness. It says here that you like it when a girl finger fucks your asshole. You fucked an apple pie once because you saw it in a movie. You fantasize about your old grade school teacher slapping your balls with a yardstick. You used to steal your sister’s panties to sniff them. And your mothers!
Cust: I never stole my mother's panties! That's a lie!
TS: But you did steal your sister’s?
Cust: I--! N-no! Why would you even believe that?!
TS: Because it’s true, isn’t it?
Cust: You don’t know that! You can’t know that!
TS: Actually, sir… I think I’m getting a pretty good sense of who you are from this profile. There’s even pictures. If I focus on your image, and these fantasies, and I cast my senses in the general direction of the address on the ID… yes… yes, I think… ah. There you are Henry. Or do you prefer Hank?
Cust: You can’t sense me! That’s impossible! We’ve never met!
TS: That’s one of the beauties of FapReport, sir. A woman doesn’t even have to have met with or played with a man to get a sense of him. It’s difficult to make contact at first, but if he’s within their natural range limit, she can sometimes make a connection if she tries real hard. Me, I’ve done this hundreds of times, so I’m a pro at finding men. Of course, it helps when a pervert like you already has a throbbing hard-on when they call me. This is turning you on, isn’t it?
Cust: No! I hate your website!
TS: Liar. The thought of even women you’ve never met before, who didn’t even know you existed, now knowing all your dirty secrets and giggling over them is quite arousing for you.
Cust: Y-y-you’re the one lying! You’re just messing with my head!
TS: Do you feel a tongue on your shaft?
Cust: Ah! Yes!
TS: You feel a hand on your balls?
Cust: Yes! No! You can’t be--!
TS: How about a finger wriggling in your rectum?
Cust: Ahh!
TS: Do you believe me now?
Cust: Aaaaah! St-stop! Stop!
TS: *giggle* Goodness, you are tense! No wonder you’re already hard. When did you last empty those? Wait, hold on, your profile should say. Oh, wow, back in August? That was four months ago! No wait, August of last year? Hahahaha!
Cust: St-stop laughing! My balls are killing me, my cock is always hard, and your fucking website keeps encouraging girls to send little tease spells and dirty notes to me every day! Please, remove my profile! I can’t stand it anymore!
TS: Well, for one thing, sir, as a male, what you want is irrelevant. Our website exists for women’s fun and amusement, and if you don’t like it, too bad. You shouldn’t have been born a guy. For another, even if we did remove it, I have no doubt some of your “secret admirers” would just make another one. You’ve got an above average amount of followers.
Cust: I’ve got followers?
TS: Yes. You can’t see the number unless you’re logged in. Of course, very few men are allowed to edit their own profile, for obvious reasons. Anyway, you’ve got at least three thousand followers on here. I guarantee if I deleted your profile, at least a few of them would recreate it before the end of the day
Cust: Can’t you block my name from being used or something?
TS: Well, that wouldn’t be fair to all the other Henry Stevensons out there, now would it? And anyway, it’s not like they couldn’t remake the profile under another name or something.
Cust: So you won’t do anything?
TS: No.
Cust: Fucking cunt! You fuck--AAAH!!!
TS: Ooooh, hot sauce up the bum! I do that sensation to my boyfriend whenever he gets smart with me!
Cust: AAAAHH!!! You bitch, you cunt, I’ll fucking sue you!
TS: Yeah, good luck with that. The world doesn’t belong to your good-old-boy patriarchy anymore. It’s women’s turn to have their fun!
Cust: I’ll fucking kill you!
TS: Oh my! You know what? Just for that, I’m putting a five-day Open Season on your profile.
Cust: W-what the fuck does that mean?!
TS: Open Season is an invitation for every woman who wants to unload her strongest teasing spells on the guy in the profile. You’ve got over three thousand followers. I’m sure at least half of them are in range, or know someone in range, and have already connected to your penis before. Imagine a thousand women attacking your dick at once, without restraint, for five whole days. That’s what’s going to happen to you when I click this button.
Cust: No! Wait! Please! I’m sorry!
TS: Are you? Are you really?
Cust: Yes! I’m sorry! I’m sorry I wasted your time! I’m sorry I threatened you! I was out of line! I’m just going out of my mind here, and I’m so humiliated, and—
TS: So, you’ve learned your lesson? That women, and their fun, aren’t to be fucked with?
Cust: Yes! Yes, I swear!
TS: I’m very glad to hear it. You have a nice week, sir.
Cust: Okay… thank you… *click*
[Call Disconnected]
TS: Hahahahaha! Oh, man. Hey, did you guys hear all that? Hilarious, right?
TS: Hmm? You really think I should? I mean, he was pretty bent out of shape, but…
TS: Yeah, you’re right, he was a dickhead. Fuck ‘em! Literally!
[Enable Open Season?  Yes/No]
[Yes] *click*